I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
