Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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