Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
