dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
