girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
