Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
