I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize