she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
