The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
