You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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