Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I want to be your penis for a week.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
