Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have fence marks all over my body
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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