yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
