Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
