Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
