I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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