My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
