I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
