I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
