Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
