We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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