White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
