I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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