walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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