I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
