R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
