Heybabeimwearingurpanties
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Holy shit dude........stairs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
