Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
