you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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