I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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