Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
