ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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