She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
