I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
