FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
