just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
