Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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