i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
