That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
