We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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