its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
