I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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