Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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