once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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