Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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