I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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