i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
