saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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