You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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