Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
